Nobody Else

Part 1:

So maybe I'm puzzled by Rebecca McLaren (@babygotbecs).

“there’s nobody else quite like you,” you say.

well wouldn’t it be nice if there was?

not for you– for I’m sure you think one of me is more than enough

but for me– it’d be nice

to have someone

who understands every stupid fear I run from,

who knows how I feel

without having to ask,

who feels what I feel

without having to tell,

who accepts why I feel

without having to judge

because sometimes

I don’t have the words for

how I feel,

what I feel,

why

I

feel

so strongly.

not for you, at least – for I’m used to telling you lies you’ll understand.     

but for me, I don’t – emotions are the weekly crossword puzzles I give up on.

and so it would be nice

to see all I’ve ever known

all I’ve fought for and cared for

right in front of me.

to see and pinch my own skin,

to prove I’m alive

and it wasn’t just a dream,

to prove I survived–

that I continue to breathe.

Part 2:

if I stood before myself,

if there was someone just like me.

I wonder what I’d say,

and I wonder where I’d be.

Part 3:

I wonder if they’d think highly of me

and I of them

or if they’d point out my insecurities

knowing very well they have the same scars.

I wonder if they’d approve of me

and I of them

or if they’d take off running, leaving me alone

to think about what it is that I don’t like about myself.

I wonder if I’d recognize their face

or be able to pick them out from a crowd.

if I’d like what I saw,

find them beautiful –

or change my mind

once I saw myself in them.

I wonder if they wonder, too.

Part 4:

“there’s nobody else quite like you,” you say.

well wouldn’t it be nice if there was?

not for you–for you don’t deserve one of me, let alone two

but for me–it’d be nice

to have someone

because you tell me I’m “one in a million”

but I don’t think you know how lonely that can be. ◆

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Contact Rebecca through: @babygotbecs on Instagram.