The Kaleidoscope of Friendships: Types of Friends You’ll Meet In Your Life
Collage by Jasmine from a magazine from the 70s.
Friends. We all have them, we all lost a few somewhere along the way. One thing’s for sure–life is certainly more colorful when you have some pals to share it with.
As we’re all different people based on our hobbies, personalities and values, it’s only natural that over the years, we’ll make different kinds of friends to do different things with. Which is exactly what this little piece will be about–what are those types? Let’s dive into it!
The Childhood Buddy
This particular type of friend can be put into two separate categories: a fond but distant memory or a lifelong companion. Either way, it’s pretty much the purest type of friendship one can have–sure, it’s mostly out of convenience of your parents being friends or you sharing a fence but at the same time, it’s also selfless as you were spending time with somebody because you enjoyed their company and nothing else mattered.
A lot of the time these kinds of friendships end abruptly, whether it’s because your family moved away, or you got into a fight over a toy, or went to different schools, but as time passed, you came to appreciate how easy it was to connect with someone back then. For the lucky ones who managed to stay in touch, it’s safe to say they’re friends for life, by your side as you grow up and experience the many things the world has to offer for the first time. Those are the ones you should cherish, how many people can we say are willing to stand with us through thick and thin? Far and few between.
The Adulting Companion
This one is somebody you met at some point after starting your adult life–in university, at work, any kind of responsibility-filled setting that made you want to pull your hair out and scream into the void. It’s them who you figured out how to pay bills, clean the house and make doctor appointments with. It’s them who you moan to about how tough work is and it’s them who you can take trips to the grocery store to get those ingredients for a home cooked meal. Adulting is hard and it’s nice to have someone to share some responsibility with, even if you’re too busy and tired to actually do anything together most of the time.
The Eternal Partier
Because of them you know all the best pubs, bars, and clubs in the area. Chances are you met them in university and they were always down for a good night out, dragging you along, making all the hangovers that followed worth it. However, as student life reached its end and a 40-hour work week became a reality, you noticed you didn’t have the energy for partying anymore. As time went on, you also noticed you haven’t really heard from this friend in a while. That was when you realized that as much as you enjoyed having a drunken blast with them, there wasn’t much else you had in common. You still see their wild nights out on social media and even though you no longer join in, you hope they’re having a hell of a time regardless.
The Daytime Pal
A distant cousin of the Adulting Companion, this friend is someone you can hang out and do what they call ‘chill’ things with–going for brunch, to the movies, even an occasional museum. When it comes to big gatherings though, especially if alcohol’s involved, they’re nowhere to be found (unless it’s your birthday in which case they’ll make an honorary appearance). While you’ll probably never be able to convince them to come out and get smashed, you know they’ll be there for the morning after to hear all the juicy gossip over a plate of waffles.
The Casual Therapist
You don’t see this type of friend too often. Hell, you don’t even know much about their day-to-day life as you don’t keep in touch on a regular basis. Despite that, you both have an unspoken understanding that if either one of you needs advice or emotional support, even if it’s in a weird hour of the night, the other one will be there ready to listen without judgement (mostly). Because of this, they become the people who know your deepest darkest secrets but can’t remember your favorite color or your sibling’s names. Just remember not to take too much advantage of their friendship because when it comes to some things, an actual therapist might be in order and at the end of the day, we all have our own problems to deal with.
The Forever Busy
This friend is one of the most interesting people you will ever meet–they’re always a part of some sort of a project, away on some kind of a trip, participating in some sort of contest–you name it. Every time you meet up, they always have so much to say that their meal gets cold by the time the story’s over. The only problem is, because of their busy schedule that happens once every blue moon (even that’s probably more likely). Also, even though you’ll never admit it, sometimes seeing them live their best life makes you feel like you’re not doing enough with yours. We’ve all been there, but at least you can use it as motivation to have your own stories to tell the next time you see them.
The Subtle Leech
This is what happens when someone sees you as the Casual Therapist but goes a little overboard. Overall, they’re a lovely person, but when it comes to handling problems, they seem to be incapable of doing it without asking for advice, which often turns into a two-hour pep talk. Often, they rant about the same things over and over again, forgetting that they’re participating in a conversation, and not dumping their feelings onto you. In some bad cases, it comes to a point where you don’t even bother initiating conversation anymore as you know you’ll only be bombarded with their countless troubles. In their defense, most of us have been like this at some point in our lives, but that’s how we learn to balance things out so that people don’t start drifting away from us (life is an art form, after all).
The Mummy Club
A complete opposite of the Eternal Partier, this type of friend is someone who completely drops off the radar once they decide it’s time for the next stage in their lives. Sometimes, they even are the Eternal Partier, downing vodka shots one week and buying nappies the next. Before you know it, your feed is filled with countless baby pictures and every conversation you have with them becomes about the joys of motherhood and planning a third birthday party for their offspring. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but if being a mum is something you don’t want to do just yet, or at all, you start noticing that once again, you don’t really have anything to talk about with this friend anymore as anything you do becomes ‘lesser’ than their achievements. Whether this friendship ends or just fades into the background after that depends on the situation, but one thing is for sure–a solid dynamic needs a common ground to continue, and sometimes it’s just not there anymore.
The Toxic Influence
This one can manifest in a lot of different ways. Whether it’s convincing you to go partying when you have a project due the next day, or suggesting your boyfriend’s taking too long to respond to your texts and potentially causing a fight, they seem to have a talent for stirring things up in your life, leaving you to wonder if some of it’s intentional. They can twist the smallest thing you say or do into a huge argument to the point where you become convinced you’re the problem. The most difficult types are the ones who use unhealthy coping mechanisms to fight their inner demons and seem to be unresponsive to your attempts to help, even reveling in the attention they’re receiving. This kind of friend can be the hardest to break the ties with, but sometimes it’s the most necessary. At least it’s with friends like these we can learn which ones are the real ones.
The Forbidden Subject
The title speaks for itself; it’s someone you had a bad fallout with for whatever reason and who’s out of your life, not to be mentioned again. Maybe they hooked up with your ex, or spilled your secret to somebody they shouldn’t have, or plainly ditched you for someone ‘cooler’–it was bad enough for you to cut them loose, no matter how close you were. Even today, you avoid mentioning their name, and if you do, it’s definitely nothing positive as the wound they caused still cuts deep. There’s a reason they say friendship break-ups sometimes hurt more than the romantic ones.
The Lost Identity
This one we can definitely say we’ve all met at some point in life; someone who is an amazing friend and a delight to be around, that is, until they get into a relationship. Before long, they seem to completely morph into whoever their partner is, losing any sense of self. The meet-ups become rarer, the phone calls get shorter–it's like they practically forgot about your existence. In cases like this, it’s rarely personal, but it doesn’t mean the loss stings any less. If the relationship doesn’t work out, you might get them back for a while, that is, until someone new comes along because ironically, but not surprisingly, this type of people just can’t stay single. Oh well, each to their own, right?
The Exclusive Club
The last type of friend on this list isn’t one person but rather a group of people who have known each other longer than you’ve known any of them. Somehow, you’re integrated into the group–most often because you befriended one of them and they thought to introduce you to the rest. Either way, you’re spending time with them, whether that’s partying or participating in a book club (this category can be mixed with other types here), and you guys get along quite well.
However, deep down you know that although they seem to like you, they will never consider you to be ‘in’ the group. It shows in their off-handed inside jokes, in the way they walk off in a bigger group setting to have a conversation or take photos, in the way they seem to plan things in front of you and wordlessly make it clear you’re not a part of it. It’s like you’re balancing on a tightrope, not quite on either side of things and sometimes, that’s the worst place to be, especially since you don’t know what it is that you’re lacking to cross the threshold. For some, just staying on the sidelines is enough, but for others, the feeling of never quite getting in can be too overwhelming, in which case, well, no one can blame them, really. ◆
Find Eve on Instagram.